Hi my dears!
Here I am as usual, paying my dues to you all instead of doing what I should be doing ㅋㅋㅋ. First of all I apologize for not being able to post more Korean related stuffs on this blog. However, I don’t sweat a tiny bit of regret as the purpose of this blog is to kinda serve as a journal that keep track of my progress in life, heading towards my goal.. whether it’s Korean related or not (thou I’d assume it would be Korean related).
So how’s life treating you all?
For me, everything is going smooth sailing! Well, almost for the most parts. I am a step away from my graduation, still keeping up with the Korean program: East Sky on CJSF 90.1Fm which I am proud of and put much love to it. I’m also on my one month away from completing my intern program at HootSuite as the Indonesian and Korean Community Ambassador.
Boy, isn’t it awesome? I have all these things lined up, paving my way towards the career I’m pursuing, whatever it may be. But somehow I’m having cold feet. Or may you say, the infamous quarter life crisis?!.. I don’t know nor will I go into much details about the questions or the dilemmas I am facing but the fact that I’m doubting my goals, direction and ability to do the things I have been dreaming to do. The ultimate question is: “Is this really what I want to do with my life, what if it’s not?!”. Yeah, typical I know. But I bet you may have or will come across this question at least once in a lifetime.
The following post is not my definite answer nor has it been proven to be the successful remedy. It is just a reflection that I come up with after a long talk with good and trusted friends, listening to stories that my friends have and motivational things here and there; As well as having some hardcore thinking and reflecting back sessions. Let’s see if I can conclude all this with a fighting spirit that will last me to the end of the journey, be it for the rest of my life *lol*. Being the ‘me’ who love to use analogy when explaining almost anything *really*, and I think it’s easier for some people to see it in this perspective… I will try to get to my points of how to find what to love in life and the way to have it in the perspective of love and relationship. Oh and bear in mind though, this is relatively general and speedy in the making, so yeah.. so here it goes nothing..
1. Love is a choice, an option where you have to say yes or no to
There are so many things, in this case millions and billions of person, you can choose to have as your partner. Growing up, you will grow from having to say ‘I like ice cream’ to ‘I like strawberry ice cream’. You grow to decide what you love/like more and what you love/like less. Same thing with when you are in a relationship. After many girls/guys talks, watching movies, experiencing a couple of falling in love and breaking up episodes, you grow to know what you want from the person you will decide to love. Whether the person should be taller than you, does not smoke, does not swear, mature enough for you to trust, etc, etc… you grow to make a distinction between what is good for you and what is bad for you from experience.
So think back, and reflect! Just like how you reflect on the ‘ideal girl-friend/boy-friend list’ that you come up with from your past relationships (what you like and what you don’t), reflect on what have you done (volunteer experiences, school/university, things you like to do as a hobby, meet-ups you attended, etc) and drive to a conclusion, if not a stronger feel, of what you love in life: the things that are good enough to motivate you to become a better person.
Now the only thing you have to do is to say yes to pursue it or not.’ Say, you have a certain fashion style you love to wear to represent yourself with. You go to a shopping mall, and even if you find the coolest dress/vest in the store that match that of your certain style, you have to choose to make it yours or not.. to buy it or not, right?! It’s your choice, not others to make, as you know yourself best and are the one who have that the first hand experiences that have shaped you!
2. There will always be two sides of a coin
Loving a person will not always be all sunshine and flowers. The person may be the perfect fit for you, but he/she may not be the perfect person out there. Love is understanding and accepting, or at least that are the things I’ve learned to know about love. Even tough the bf/gf have made your ideal bf/gf check-list complete, you might have to come to know the flaws of that person. What do grandmas/grandpas do? They don’t pile up their dissatisfactions, they accept it with much love and wisdom. Somewhat like working both ways together to get to a middle point where balance and fairness exist (if I ever make any sense here). Not being self-centred or having the thoughts that your ideals are the top priority is the key.
Think of it this way: your partner (may) have a different set of ideal list and set of satisfactions that are totally the opposite from what you have. If both demand theirs to be fulfilled first and foremost, harmony, understanding, and all that magical relationship lovey-dovey happiness won’t be there. Seriously!
For example: a newly married couple. They got married because they love each other, has grown to know and to be fond of each other, yadida yadidu.. all that drills. Now, if the bride just found out on their first night sleeping together that the groom has a chronic snoring at night what would be the best solution can she do?
a. – grumble and ask the husband to change for the rest of the upcoming 70 something years of their life together
b. – grab a pair of ear plugs and find medicines for chronic snoring and bring the husband to a doctor
I think the second option (b.) offers much peace to the marriage life, doesn’t it?
What I’m trying to get here is: loving a person is the same with loving your goal in life. There will always be two sides of the coin: the good one and the not-so-good one. How you react to it define your future with it. This is what I face when I grow deeper in my fondness of Korean culture. It’s not always majestic and K-Pop ish all the time. I get to know their bitter separation with North Korea, the infamous plastic surgery industry, etc.
Now, do I grow sceptic, ignorant of the facts or even draw myself apart from it? Well, It has been my personality and tendency to love something holistically. I have decided to embrace the bad side and turn it to inseparable part of the (cultural) knowledge I dire to seek. It is the commitment you have decided to take, now it depends on our effort to make the relationship last and enjoyable. Aren’t the not-so good parts make what you love the way it is now?
3. Be sure to make it love you back
Do what you love and it will love you back. How?
I often hear songs lyrics and friends or internet stories saying that we (or they, doesn’t really matter) will change for the significant others in the brink of losing them. “Don’t it always seems to go that we don’t know what we got till it’s gone?”. But why on earth should we wait until we are in danger of losing it and come late to realize/regret the things we could have done?
From *ahem* my observation, my conclusion is that we cannot change the person we choose to love. Never. Period!
Again, as I have mentioned before, why focus on the things that make us unhappy? and what have we done anyway?
For example. Say… I like a guy. He is nice, caring but he is immature in some ways and another. If he is boyfriend, and I constantly complaining of how immature he is. I’m unhappy and so does he. But If I think this way: OK.. he is immature and I don’t like that part of him, but hey! He sure have something that he does not like from me. Instead of concentrating to be unhappy of the things that I cannot change, why don’t I change my bad points so he can love me back (or more). In this sense, I’m not telling you (especially girls out there) to change for your bf/gf sake BUT if you come to realize and to accept your bad points/flaws, it would be awesome if you can change for the sake of becoming a better person, right?
You all know I love Korean culture. But instead of focusing what does Korea have for me, I would love to start to think what do I have so Korea can love me back. For example: I should be more sharp in the entertainment parts, learn Korean more seriously, etc etc.
4. Grow together
I don’t really have an example of how couple should really choose to grow together. Hmm..
I know I’m still lacking to get Korea (per say) to really love me back and vice versa. I should not leave it alone and do the necessary improvement on my own and come back. I’d suggest to stick with each other and grow together. Why?
I want to improve my self before pursuing all the Korean dreams I have. Until when? Isn’t self improvement meant to be done as long as someone lives? OK, say you have achieved the desired self.. time has gone by and now you’re back. What if the person/goal/situation has changed and vice versa? The new you is no longer what is needed? What if K-Pop will no longer the thing I need to be able to analyse Or after getting my self to eat (like) kimchi, it’ no longer their staple food? Isn’t it better, if your love of whatever it is worth the fight, to grow together?
You will understand each other better ever and get closer to each other each and every step of the way? And if you change or the other change, you will adjust and understand the situation almost immediately.
In summary: Finding your self goes hand in hand with finding what you love. You gotta reflect on what you are drawn to like rather than creating a new thing to love. Once you have made the commitment, stick with it! Always remember that changes come from the inside and the outside (or the opposite part, be it your partner or your goal) will follow along to fit/work your relationship better.
don’t force your ways but inspires other to grow together
By all means, all these stuffs do not make me a pro/scholar in the topic of achieving your dream or love. I’m not even there yet! Ha Ha! However, these are my reflections from my learning process as well as the things I got to understand better as I grow older and/or from listening from others (my friends’ stories). AGAIN. I’d like to emphasize. This is MY learning and growing process and this is my way to keep my self on track. I’d love to be able to do all the things I mentioned above. I share this so it would a be a reminder for me, but It would be awesome if it can also inspire or help someone out there. Sharing is Caring!!
Even after writing this, I still have all the doubts and the questions with no further directions of what I should do next. But somehow I feel more relieve that I have this list to look back and to reflect on, so I know I am still on the right track (whatever I am pursuing)
” The minute you think of giving up, think of the reasons why you held on so long” #truestory
Don’t forget to surround yourself with the people who believe in you even when you don’t believe in yourself. The greatest gift is to have these people who can help and support you to become a better person and also cheer on you whatever you do.
For these, I’m forever grateful for my friends who keeps on pushing me forward (in faith and other aspects of me) and also le friend who stick with me even though I know I’m nothing like an ordinary Mary. I know it’s really hard to understand me for myself, let alone for my friends.. so *huugggsss*
And of course to you. Yes, you who have read this long and winding post! THANK YOU!!